Thoughts and Hopes for 2013

I know I'm a little late in the game as far as a blog about the new year goes, but it is somehow fitting that I am just now sitting down to write this... I'm also not very vocal about this most of the time, but for some reason, I just felt the need to write it all out. Here goes.

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January 4th. We meet again. And as much as I kind of secretly wish you would just avoid my life altogether, I guess I'm going to have to face the fact that you will be around for every single calendar year from here on out. (That is, unless something crazy happens, and someone along the line decides to revamp the system).

You see, for most people, January 4th is just another ordinary day in the life. Or, for some, it may be a birthday. Or it may mark an anniversary. Or be the date in which someone started their first real job.

For me, however, it is an annual reminder of the "worst day" (Jonathan Safran Foer reference, anyone?) . Oh, the worst day. Isn't life interesting? Isn't it so fascinating that one, single date of the year can take on so many different associations for so many different people?

For those of you who don't know, on January 4th of 2011, my father passed away suddenly in his sleep. It came out of nowhere. And it flipped everything I've ever known and understood and believed in right on its head.

Since then, my soul has been ripped to shreds, has been slowly (and semi-haphazardly) pieced back together, and with a whole lotta time and a whole lotta love, has somehow come out on the other side even stronger than ever.

I know it sounds absolutely insane, but I feel like the luckiest girl alive. Truly.

It could be because I have an amazing family. And wonderful friends. And music. And a roof over my head. And food in my belly anytime I need it. And all of the other things that so many don't have.

I don't have my dad... and I would give anything to have him back again. But I still feel blessed.

My father was one of the happiest people I have ever encountered in my 22 years of life. It was very rare for me to ever see him without a smile on his face. Really. I know for a fact that at least one woman showed up to his funeral purely because she recognized his face in the newspaper and knew him as the "man who was always smiling" when he walked into the gym.

I can't tell you how proud that makes me to be his daughter. I would love nothing more than to be remembered in the same way.

So. Here we are. January 4th. 

But this isn't January 4th, 2011.
2011 is what I have chosen to call the "lost year". I don't really remember much of anything that happened throughout those 12 months. I believe Emily Dickinson says it best when she writes:

"After great pain, a formal feeling comes –

The Nerves sit ceremonious, like Tombs –

The Feet, mechanical, go round –

A Wooden way

Of Ground, or Air, or Ought –

Regardless grown,

A Quartz contentment, like a stone"

That really is the best description. I felt like a giant slab of stone. And thanks to the love and support from so many wonderful people around me, I was at least pushed (or, I guess, "rolled") through the year fairly unscathed.

Then, 2012 came along. 2012 was my year of "thawing". I slowly began to shed my rock-like layers and return to what my mother likes to call the "new normal". Because nothing is ever going to be the "old normal" ever again.

In 2012, I received an unbelievable amount of support via my Kickstarter from so many lovely family and friends (some old and some new). Because of this support, I was finally able to release my first full-length album, Savor.

 Also in 2012, I was lucky enough to be chosen to spend an entire semester in the always-amazing, New York City.

    Lots of wonderful things happened in between as well. I was able to go on a cruise to Mexico, my album was featured in the "New and Noteworthy" section of iTunes, I was able to spend a lot of time with my grandparents, I played so many shows I didn't know what to do with myself, and most importantly, I slowly began to establish a semi-permanent understanding of what this "new normal" would be. 

And now on to 2013. 

I have no idea what this next year will hold. Through the whole experience of losing my father, I know that life can change on a dime. As much as you think you have it all planned out, you really don't. And, for someone like me (who is somewhat of a control freak), this idea used to terrify me.

But it doesn't scare me anymore. Think of how difficult and exhausting it would be if you could actually control every single aspect of your life. I'll admit... there are some things in life that you can definitely control. Life itself is not one of them. And I'm okay with that.

In 2013, there are things that I plan to accomplish. Things that I would love to do, see, experience, explore, remember, and live. 

Most people call these "New Years Resolutions". I call them my "Hopes".

They are bound to morph over time, but for now, my "Hopes" for 2013 are as follows:

1. Finish all of my Kickstarter rewards for my fabulous Kickstarter backers.

2. Floss more. 

3. Remember to smile even if it is the worst day ever.

4. Read more books.

5. Write at least one song a week (even if it is so bad I never want to play it for anyone ever).

6. Keep in touch with old friends.

7. Make new friends.

8. Make it back to New York City at least once (even for just a short visit!)

9. Continue eating healthily and working out.

10. Take time to relax every once in awhile. It's okay to watch mindless television. In moderation.

11. Graduate from college.

12. Go on some sort of mini music tour.

13. Remember that it's okay to cry sometimes.

14. Continuously remind myself that I can be successful with my music. I can do it.
Someone has to have the job as a songwriter/musician. Why can't it be me?

15. Live it up.

I have no idea if any of this will happen, but I'm just excited to take on another year.

2013, show me what you got. 

Ps-- Just a sidenote: Aren't my parents the loveliest?

<3
Nat

New song, Fashion's Night Out, and a MoMa adventure

First of all, happy Sunday, lovelies :).

Secondly, I have a new Kickstarter song for you. This is "We Can Already Tell", and it's written for my Kickstarter backer, Michael Morris. He wanted me to write a little song about a couple of dear, dear friends of mine and the wonderful love they share. I had a lot of fun with this one, and if anything, I hope you smile when you listen to it :).

You can download "We Can Already Tell" for FREE here!

Okay, so now that I've made sure to mention the song, I will continue with the bloggish part of the blog.

THURSDAY NIGHT (A.K.A. FASHION'S NIGHT OUT)

What a whirlwind of an evening! When you last heard from me, I was frantically getting ready for a free St. Vincent show that was supposed to going on in SoHo. I left my room immediately after posting my blog, and after catching a ride on the subway, I ended up standing about twenty feet from the front door of "Rag and Bone" (where the show was supposed to be held).

This is what I looked at for about an hour. All the while, people were walking past me with the most interesting outfits on that I'd ever seen in my life. I mean, really. And there were so many tall human beings, too. I couldn't tell if everyone seemed like giants, because they were all models... or if they were just wearing ridiculously tall heels. 

Long story short, I never got to see St. Vincent. Turns out, it was RSVP only. Myfreeconcerts.com really needs to make sure they specify this in the future. There were many, many angry fans around me. I didn't really care too much, because the entire time I was standing there, I kept seeing people walk past with cupcakes. I knew there had to be free cupcakes... And close.

This little chocolate ganache/banana cupcake from Georgetown Cupcake was absolutely delicious.

When that little adventure failed, I wandered from SoHo to the Chelsea District to catch a free Lucy Shwartz show that was supposedly going on at the Anthropologie there. After my disappointment with the St. Vincent show, I wasn't expecting much, but I was pleasantly surprised.

Not only was her set great, but Anthropologie totally pulled out all of the stops and offered free refreshments for everyone.

That right there is a blueberry vodka lemonade. I had three of them. I could have had more, but I was alone, and any more than that, and it would have been kind of weird. They also had the most delicious herbed bread available... that they literally brought out on a clothes rack. No, really. They put the bread on little hooks and hung them from the rack. Everyone pounced on them like a pack of savage animals. (I must admit I, too, clawed my way to the bread). I brought a banana with me and carried it in my purse for the whole evening, just in case I got hungry. But after the bread, there was no need for it. (Also, anyone else notice how this night consisted of my two favorite things? Music and food. That's all you need in life).

THEN, I decided to meet up some friends at the Rockerfeller Center to watch a bit of a show.

Everyone else called it a night after that, but Josh and I decided to enjoy Fashion's Night Out a little bit longer. We just wandered around in circles for an hour and a half, getting lost in the throngs of people.

WHEW. I've gotta say.. I love Fashion's Night Out in New York City. Such a lively little night.

FRIDAY

This was the day that I made my video for my Kickstarter song. It was not the easiest thing in the world to accomplish. Not only was it about 90 degrees that day, but after walking about a mile in the heat up a hill with my guitar, I felt like my arms were going to fall off.

And then, when I'd finally settled into a quiet place at the Brooklyn Bridge Park to record, I realized that it was going to be next to impossible to get rid of the constant "hummmmm" sound from the wind and the helicopters and the boats and everything else. Also, a family decided to sit down right next to me as I started to record the song... and they talked... a lot... But that's okay! It made for a great setting, and I was able to get at least one semi-good take.

Friday evening, Allison, Josh, Eric, Adam, and I all decided to finally take advantage of Free MoMa Fridays! I'll give you a smattering of some photos from the evening.

I know.. crazy, right?

And then, my personal favorite. Monet.

After this wonderful adventure, we were all a little pooped. Who knew that walking around a museum for two hours could make you feel like you'd run a half marathon? I went back to the room, popped in my library rental DVD of Water For Elephants (which is not nearly as good as the book... surprise, surprise) and fell right to sleep. 

SATURDAY

After my usual morning routine, I went downstairs to pick up a package that was waiting for me... And look at what had arrived!

My lovely business cards (designed by the wonderful, Bobby Herb)! I am officially an artist now, I guess. (Grammy- I hope you are happy. I will send you one soon :)). 

I don't know if it was the business cards or what, but for some reason, I got a sudden jolt of creativity, and I spent the rest of the day working on a song for a little contest I'm thinking of entering soon.. I'll update you at another time about all of that.

Also, we were under tornado watches and warnings and flood watches and all of that all day, so I wasn't keen on venturing out into the city to do anything. (Side note: Anyone who knows me well enough knows that I'm absolutely terrified of tornadoes. You would all be very proud of how I handled myself during the morning storms. Didn't even flinch.. sort of).

For the evening festivities, Josh and I decided it would be fun to go see my friend, Finn, play at a little French bar on the Upper East Side. The place (called Brasserie Julien) had a such a neat ambience, and the jazz music was absolutely wonderful. It was such a relaxing ending to a relaxing day.

SUNDAY

Josh, Allison, and I had breakfast at my favorite place! Once again, the Iris Cafe did not disappoint.

This time, I decided to order the Skim Milk Chai Oatmeal with Currants and Walnuts.

It was tastier than it looks. I promise. It was sooooo tasty.

The rest of the day has consisted of homework, homework, and more homework. That's alright, though! The weather is absolutely beautiful, and I was able to walk down to Montague street and sit at a little table outside to work on everything. There was a little street festival going on today as well, and I was serenaded by some lovely opera music while I worked.

That's all! I'm off to the gym to get a workout in before I get back to the homework. (How many times can I use the word "work"?).

:)

<3

Nat